i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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