"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
