call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
