At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
