I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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