hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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