I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
