...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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