DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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