just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
