I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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