Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
