Porn is love you can see.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
