Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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