you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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