i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
