I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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