I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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