Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
