youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
