then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
