the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
