So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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