that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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