my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dicks are not precious.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
