I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
