Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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