Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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