hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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