So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
