I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
