Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
