just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
