I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
