Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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