She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
