I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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