You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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