my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
