Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
