I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
