ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
