it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
