I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
