I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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