there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
