So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
