you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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