I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
