I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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